When the hard times come: Marriage

I found an article on the NY Times website that I felt the need to share. Its about how one woman dealt with her husband telling her that he didn't love her anymore. She was so brave, and I hope that I can respond with the same kind of maturity that she exhibited if I'm ever presented with this.

I'll be honest, marriage scares me. As much as I want that kind of long term, comfortable relationship, I can tell you right now that it will be really hard for me to make "the leap". I look at my friends and relatives parents who are divorced or seperated, and I never want to put potential kids, siblings, parents, and friends through the kind of thing that I've seen people put through. Not to mention the pain my prospective spouse will have to endure, as well as myself. It would be better if they had never married.

I'm not anti-marriage. Its just one of the most daunting future goals I have for myself - to get married sometime in the future, and to stay married until I/he dies. With divorce rates sky high (even...no, especially in churches), how can I guarantee that I, a highly failable human being, will create a marriage that stands the test of time? I can't.

And don't tell me that all I need is to rely on God. If you can't figure out why I don't want to hear that, please reread that last sentence, and notice the "highly failable human being" part. The only way that relying on God could help me feel better would be if there was a way to guarantee that I will always rely on God. And I can't do that. I want to, but I can't. I give way to the things of this world waaaay to easily to be able to guarantee this to myself.

However, I can pray that my fears don't keep me from experiencing marriage. And that they don't make me predestined to fail at marriage.


By the way, I met one of our clients today who informed me that she had actually put my name up to help with the dorms at our fair (see the previous post). But as is usual, the dorm lady heard my name and it translated to Amanda's name. I love Lisa (our client), because at least she can get my name right...and she told me she had no idea who Amanda was. Lol, there's some irony for you.