On Singleness

Psalm 55:22 - Cast thy burden upon Jehovah, and he will sustain thee: He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.

What are the burdens that you have refused to let go? As I was reading this last night, the first one that popped into my head was my singleness. This is at times a very overwhelming burden for me. This past tuesday I almost broke down just standing in my backyard watching the sunset. I so wanted to share the magic of the changing colors and the warm breeze with someone, but it was just my dog and I.

How have you sustained me in this, God?!? If I was really sustained, it wouldn't be such a big deal to me that I'm single, right? I wouldn't long for someone to share my life and experiences with. I would be complete just being one of His children. But I'm not - I still long for someone. How have I been sustained, how have I not moved; all I've done is fail.

But I heard a little whisper last night. (Hearing that whisper was almost as heartening as what was whispered - I'm working my way back to You, God). He reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my younger friends Saturday night when I was giving her a ride home from the drive-in.

It was 1:30 a.m. It was just her and I. She was discussing how she really felt pathetic because she always needs a boyfriend, whether she was really interested in someone or not. Her identity is wrapped up in her need to feel physically attractive; to feel like she's wanted and needed by a man. To have someone enjoy her company. To be able to enjoy his company, even though she really doesn't after a while. All the things that I've wanted to feel for so long. But the difference between her and I is that she actually needs a boyfriend to validate her as a human, whereas I've never felt that.

That's how God has sustained me. He hasn't sustained me by giving in to my desires. And he hasn't sustained me by making those desires go away. He has sustained me by supporting me and validating my worth as a human, apart from any guy. I am important to Him because I am me - a daughter of the King. My worth is not tied to my ability to get and keep a boyfriend, hold witty conversations with half a dozen guys at once, enrapture an entire group of men, etc. And neither is yours. If you are a daughter/son of Jehovah, you have no need for a man/woman. Having the desire for one is completely human, but don't fall into the trap that says having a boyfriend is the road to happiness. Because thats what it is - a trap. A downward cycle that begins spinning out of control until your worth is tied to whether or not you are single.

I'm learning that singleness is a gift. And that being able to enjoy your singleness is an even greater gift. The learning process is slow.

One last bit of advice: there is a difference between contentment and satisfaction. I read somewhere that we should be content in our single state (or whatever state God has given to us), even though we are not satisfied. I think that is an important distinction.