I. Am. Invisible.

I don't mean the supernatural, superhero type invisible, but rather the type that makes me not at all memorable to people. For example, during my Houghton years I would eat lunch with my friend Jamie and she would introduce me to one of her friends that would invariably end up joining us. I would eat with her again at supper and the same friend that she introduced me to at lunch would join us. And he/she never remembered that he/she had already met me at lunch that same day. It was never more than 6 hours later!

I got my hair cut a month ago. It was a major cut - like 8 inches. No one in my immediate family (those I share a house with) said anything until 6 days later. They just didn't notice apparently.

People I grew up with on the show circuit still don't know who I am. I've known them for 15+ years, and if they think about it they know I'm a Berkemeier, but thats it. I'm not important enough for them to remember.

Its been this way my entire life, and I'm not sure why. I thought I had finally accepted it during college; its not my fault that some people are memorable and I'm not...there's nothing wrong with me. I'm a daughter of the King, and He knows my name. That's all I need, right?

Monday my cousin texted me and asked if she could get a ride to our local county fair on whatever days I'm going up. Apparently the program director of 4-H has been pestering her about helping with the cow shows. And the lady in charge of organizing dorm supervisors has also been on her case about helping out in the dorms. I was stunned. She hasn't been to our fair in 3 years, and they're all desperate for her help? What about me - the one who volunteers every year during the fair, and also for every other event they have? I guess I'm not needed this year. Its like she took my record of helping and changed my name into hers. She's always been more memorable than me around the dairy circuit, and I've always been jealous of her.

The worst is when people come up to me and tell me how much they appreciate what Amanda does for the program, and they recite off a whole list of things she's helped with over whatever time frame their thinking about. Its always hard for me to not cry when this happens, because I can guarantee that the majority of the things listed are things that I had done while she was busy being popular.

I don't want a certificate or an awards ceremony. I don't need recognition for the hours and hours I spend volunteering for 4-H, church, etc.

I just want people to remember my name.